ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now
these old spice commercials have been getting really crazy lately
Are you going?!
fuck yessss dude I go every year. This is the first time I’m dressing up though, I’ve been seeing ur posts and I needa start planning my costumes lol I can’t believe it’s already this month. And that OFWGKTA shirt I was wearing in that pic is my bfs lmao I’m sure they would get along. He actually has an OF tattoo on his arm😍
My girlfriend has an odd future tatt on her side 😍😍!!!
haha omg dude that’s awesome we are stoner couple soulmates lmao👭👫 and I remember our birthdays are on the same day too!!weirddd brah👽
i wonder if there is anyone nervous to talk to me.
waking up cold: alright I need more blankies
waking up hot: covers thrown everywhere. sweat behind the kneecaps. 3 dead. the pillow is the sun. critical condition.
teacher: its pajama day
that one kid: WHAT IF I SLEEP NAKED HAAAHAAHA
Accidentally sending friend requests to people is the worst
‘am i right ladies’ is the best way to end any text post am i right ladies